March 17, 2011: Painless or Painful??

When I was young
I told myself not to be that attached to people around you.
Know my reason why?
It's because I'm too weak
Easily hurt
Easily cry
That's why I put myself in a shell
A shell where no one can harm
Either touch me inside.

Then there came a friend
Who enters my world
Tried to pull me out of my shell
Tried to pull me out of the darkness.
And welcome to world of light.

My world brightens
And I fear nothing..
Nothing but a fear of being left alone
And it happened
I was left alone
All alone and wounded...

It took years to move on
3 or 4 years I think
Until I allowed someone to enter my dark world again.
They're not just 1 but 7 plus who stole my heart...
I cared for them so much coz it hurts to see them cry
But it really hurts to be the reason of the pain they feel inside.

Maybe I should have stayed in my shell for a long time
I might be the toughest person on earth.
But then I never regretted being with them
They give me best gift in the world....
Friendship...with lots of memories...
That will surely I will never ever forget.
And cherish those times till my last breath

And now I promised my self...
To go back of that shell again...
To avoid not just to cause me pain
But most importantly...to cause my friends no more pain.

I am now a program...
A program with password...
No one will penetrate in my mind and in my heart...
As long as I give you they key...
....the password....

I promise you one thing...hurt you no more
And I'll grant that to you...I swear
Because having this kind of pain...
the pain of losing you is bearable
But the pain that you have caused by me is unbearable.
Whatever happens...I swear...
Starting today...until...tomorrow..until the end